I Hate Today - February 14, 2007

I don't like to use the word hate. There are very few things that I actually hate. There are no people that I hate. There are a few days that I hate. I hate December 7, 1941. I hate September 11, 2001. I hate that agonizing day in mid 2002 that I was forced to face the fact that I had been cheated on.

I hate today - February 14, 2007.

In a world devoid of unfaithfulness, where vows were kept and marriage was sacred, this would be my twentieth wedding anniversary. I would be in my house, surrounded by my wife and my children, celebrating love. Instead I find myself grieving a horrible loss. Another man is in my ex-house with my ex-wife and my children. I scarcely know how to express my pain. I am sure that at some point today my grief will find some release and my tears will flow.

No, this is a world well acquainted with deceit, duplicity, and conditional 'love'. A man's word is no longer his bond. Vows are made and contracts are signed with no hint of permanence implied. There is always a built in way out. An escape clause.

But, there is the rub. There are very few 'outs' in the marriage covenant. There is a world of difference between the traditional covenant and the modern contract. Most marriage ceremonies contain language to the effect of: for better or for worse; for richer or for poorer; in sickness or in health; till death do us part.

How did we get to the point where half of all couples who make this solemn pledge end up divorced? How did we get so self absorbed that "I don't feel like I love you any more" is reason enough to break our vow. This all important vow, agreed to by choice of free will, in a ceremony presided over by a clergyman or governmental official, attended by family and loved ones, vowed publicly before God and man, is somehow taken lightly and easily broken. Why?

I have no answers today, only questions. What exactly are people celebrating on this Valentine's Day? Love? Romance? Eroticism? The euphoric feeling of being 'in love'? How many of these couples will celebrate this day next year together? How many will celebrate today with their future exes? How many people will utter a conditional 'I love you' that is subject to change when they are no longer made happy by their current significant other? Do we, as a society, even know what love is?

Don't get me wrong. I have not grown completely cynical. I do believe that true love exists. It just seems to be, unfortunately, rare. I have found it in God, who is Love. I have experienced it in some family members and friends. I have at times, I think, observed it in myself. And, yes, I do still hope to one day find this elusive, altruistic, unfailing, unconditional love in marriage. I hope for that with all of my broken, cynical, Valentine's Day hating heart.