Waiting Has Given Way ... to Waiting

Waiting ...

Patience is a virtue.

There have been countless songs and poems written about the wonders of romantic love, the pain of love gone wrong, and the longing of unrequited love. There are not, to my knowledge, a whole lot of songs about patiently waiting for love.

Those of us who are old enough, and have been Christians long enough, may remember Dallas Holms' song from the late seventies, "Worth the Waiting", but that wasn't about romantic love. Tom Petty correctly sang that the waiting is the hardest part. Carly Simon sang about anticipation, but if memory serves, she could hardly wait until that night! Solomon in his passionate "Song of Songs" speaks of not awaking love until it's proper time. But, who listens to that guy?

When I found myself divorced in early 2003 the thought of waiting six years to remarry did not seem remotely possible. Honestly, the thought of going even days and weeks without sex seemed difficult enough! Now, six years later, on the verge of finally remarrying, I come to you to repeat and venerate an old trusty, tried and true cliché: good things are worth waiting for.

Not to brag, but I could have had my choice of many really nice women. But, there is a lot of difference between a good woman and the right woman. Far too many people settle for a good man or woman instead of having the patience to find the right one. And no wonder, it can take many years and there is no guarantee that you will ever find them. Meanwhile, all of society looks at you and wonders if there is something wrong with you, or if you are secretly gay.

Every day someone would ask me "So, are you seeing anybody yet?" Every day for over five years I answered "No." That little ritual grew quite tiresome.

Passing on the good to possibly gain the better later on is risky. As I stated earlier, there are no guarantees. Also, you can get caught in the trap of always wondering if you could do better, even after you have found the right one. Still, in my case at least, I can tell you that it was more than worth waiting for the right one.

Now comes the equally hard part.

One season of waiting gives way to the next.

Once having found "the one", and fallen madly in love, and felt a transcendent oneness that is emotionally and spiritually singular, it is extremely difficult to wait until after some ceremony to consummate this oneness. The flesh screams "I need it!" The emotions feel that because you are so close it must soon follow. Only the spirit washed in the water of The Word brings wisdom and stands to contradict the other voices. Only two in complete agreement can resist that kind of temptation!

"Fire in the fireplace is beautiful .... but, fire in the curtains ... is a disaster!"
Tony Evans on sex inside and outside of marriage.

If you ask me one day I may tell you the whole tale of how we managed to wait. It includes chaperones, prayer, group activities, and saying goodnight in the Firebird's front seats, or as we now call them "the chastity seats", instead of being alone at my place or hers.

With all of my heart I hope to, and intend to bring glory to my God, set a good example for my children, and ensure decades of great sex within my marriage; by waiting until my wedding night to enjoy that which is God-designed for enjoyment within marriage.

The Silence Of The Blog

It can be irritating at times. It can be a blessing beyond belief. Such is the artistic temperament. It is an often misunderstood, sometimes under-appreciated, yet always formidable set of strengths and weaknesses.

At times I have cursed it. It has brought me much pain and sorrow. And yet, over the years, through much hard won growth and wisdom, I have finally fully embraced it. For it has also brought me joys that only those blessed to posses it can fathom. A true double-edged sword, it allows those who posses it, or perhaps rather are possessed by it, to fully feel the soaring heights of delight, but also the soul crushing depths of pain.

In my case that duality has not been as forthcoming in the expression as it has been in the feeling. While I feel the depths and the heights equally, it seems that the overwhelming majority of my artistic expression has centered on the depths.

This is most unfortunate!

Lately I have been captivated by a bliss I have never known brought on by the love of a woman such as I have never known. Yet with all of my supposed gift for artistic expression, sizeable vocabulary, and penchant for writing about my life experiences, my blog has grown eerily silent. I cannot seem to give voice to this rapture that I feel. I cannot seem to find the right words. I have kept my joy as private as my pain was public.

I do offer this defense: I have been busy with the more important matter - the matter of building a strong, healthy, God-centered relationship that will stand the test of time and last for a lifetime. In the mean time, know that God is good and He has led me into a wonderful season of joy and beauty. Hopefully, as time goes by, I will have more joy to share and be more fully able to share it.

Engaged

OK, for all of my friends, family, acquaintances, fans, critics, and curious onlookers alike, here is "the scoop".

After six years of singleness I am about to marry the woman I have been looking for most of my post-pubescent life. Her name is Anita. We have moved slowly from acquaintances to friends to good friends to sweethearts, and we are now on the brink of a lifetime commitment.

God is so good. I feel like such a fool for ever doubting His plan for my life, and for ever doubting that He would indeed give me the deepest desires of my heart.

It is a rare and precious thing to meet someone with whom you are equally yoked in every area of life - intellectually, emotionally, and spiritually. This is the very kind of closeness that I have longed for all of these years. It brings me almost inexpressible joy to be able to say that this oneness is soon to be celebrated and consummated.

We are to be wed in the prayer garden at the future home of Living Word Church on February the fourteenth at ten o'clock in the morning. All are welcome to celebrate with us and witness the sealing of our marriage covenant. It will however, be a brief ceremony with no seating provided and no reception following.

Whether you attend or not, please pray for our union, that it would be always strong and enduring and bring glory to The One who is Love.

In Him,

Todd