Did I lie to God? Did I lie to myself? Maybe I really believed the words I spoke. “God, if You could just let one little thing go right ...”
And, He did.
In the midst of all that has gone wrong in the last week or so, I can definitely see the little “God winks” here and there. He has tried to remind me that He is still here with me. And yet, if He is with me, why - why the constant barrage of bad news?
I don't mean to whine. I don't mean to rehash all of the same old things again and again ... but, why?
Why do I have to give money, month after month, year after year, to the very people who broke my heart and crushed my spirit?
Why, if I am His child, have I come to feel so cursed and to expect bad news?
Why must I wait year after year for so many years that I begin to lose hope of ever finding a soul mate?
Why must I deal with sinus problems and back problems and stomach problems and eye problems and ear problems?
Why must I feel like God is not prospering the work of my hands?
Please don't get me wrong, I do not feel that God owes me anything. I just look around and see the people that caused so much pain and I see them seeming to prosper, while I struggle. Here again, please don't get me wrong, I am not looking up and screaming “no fair God!” Although, at times I do question God, and ask Him if there is justice in this life or if it is strictly a matter of eternal justice at the end of all things. Not that I desire vengeance, it would just be comforting to know that there is order and to see justice done. It would prove my faith in a just universe created by a just God is, shall we say, justified .
But, let me broaden things out a bit. What of the grander scale?
How many loan sharks, adulterers, crooked politicians, petty tyrants, cruel dictators and assorted ner'-do-wells will sleep in actual, or at least relative, luxury tonight? How many good fathers, faithful wives, missionaries to forgotten countries, loyal employees, likable classmates, and genuinely nice people will be cheated on, divorced, senselessly killed, unfairly fired, falsely accused, and otherwise wronged?
The questions are age old – why do the wicked prosper and why do the righteous suffer?
I have heard some very good, logical, theological arguments that soundly rebut the “if there is a God why is there evil” argument. But, cold hard facts don't always satisfy when you are in the middle of a crisis or a good pity party. In the midst of one such occurrence this thought crossed my mind – how do the people that do these awful things sleep at night? Do they really enjoy their apparent prosperity? Do they have real peace and joy and contentment?
Perhaps real prosperity is laying your head on your pillow at night knowing that you have purposely harmed no man. Perhaps being in right relationship and fellowship with your God adds more than enough peace and joy and contentment to your life to make up for all of the things that you feel are lacking.
Perhaps anyone who can sleep well at night after purposely harming another is so shallow and brutish that they are incapable of appreciating actual beauty and goodness. Perhaps, when I am thinking clearly again, I will pity them.
